I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
