Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
