at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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