The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
