I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
