i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
