but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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