I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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