even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
