I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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