i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize