Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
