i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
