Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
