I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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