Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
