I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
