How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
