i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
