Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize