You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
