Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
