i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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