so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
