I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
