The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
