i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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