just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
