Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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