i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
