Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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