Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
