Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
