her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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