the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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