You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
