My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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