I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
