she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
