One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
