the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize