so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
