he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
