Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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