I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize