Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
