i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
