I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
