We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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