I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
