can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Houston, we have a blender
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
