Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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