That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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