The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
