Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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