"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
