hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
