i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't turn off my feet"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
