Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
