party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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