So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
