Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
