It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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