Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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