Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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