Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
