life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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