Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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