The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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