If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
