i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
