Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
