If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
