dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
