how can u be prego again
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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