im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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