Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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