oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
