Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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