Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize