I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
