Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
