your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
