i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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