i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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